A social media acquaintance who communicates with frequency
and intensity about the awesome abilities of her children, recently launched a
boast (no, that’s not a Freudian slip for post) to trumpet her eldest’s latest
accomplishments.
Allow me to add a disclaimer right now: I have nothing against
other people’s lovely children. I have nothing against their children’s
success. In fact, I’d like nothing more than to have everyone in the world be
proud of their children’s accomplishments.
But…do we really need to glorify them? Do we need to make
every good grade, every high test score, every sports performance, every
volunteer act public knowledge?
I’ve promised myself that this will not turn into a rant,
though I suspect that it will take every last ounce of my self-control to
contain my indignation at the audacity of parents who inflate their self-worth
by proclaiming their children’s achievements as if they were their own.
In my experience, these parents are unaware of the good
fortune that has enabled them to over-invest in their offspring. They don’t
realize that the “control” they believe they’ve exerted over their
circumstances is nothing more than an illusion.
My daughter has not known the luxury of two healthy parents.
She’s dealt with loss in its various forms for the majority of her life,
shouldering loads that no child should ever have to bear.
Her greatest regret is not that she didn’t get the highest
grade on an exam or was cut from a select sports team—it’s that she didn’t get
to meet her baby sister while she lived.
To all those parents who seek public affirmation of their
parenting skills by bragging, I applaud you for the semi-charmed luck that has
protected your family from harm. I won’t rain on your parade by reminding you
that the only thing that separates your children’s experience from my
daughter’s is a few agonizing twists of fate.
I’ll just sigh and say a prayer—that you may outgrow this
childish need to prove yourself at your kids’ expense, and cultivate some compassion
in the process.